Wednesday, January 21, 2015

A Daily Joy To Be Alive

No matter how serene things 
may be in my life, 
how well things are going, 
my body and soul 
are two cliff peaks 
from which a dream of who I can be 
falls, and I must learn 
to fly again each day, 
or die. 

Death draws respect 
and fear from the living. 
Death offers 
no false starts. It is not 
a referee with a pop-gun 
at the startling 
of a hundred yard dash. 

I do not live to retrieve 
or multiply what my father lost 
or gained. 

I continually find myself in the ruins 
of new beginnings, 
uncoiling the rope of my life 
to descend ever deeper into unknown abysses, 
tying my heart into a knot 
round a tree or boulder, 
to insure I have something that will hold me, 
that will not let me fall. 

My heart has many thorn-studded slits of flame 
springing from the red candle jars. 
My dreams flicker and twist 
on the altar of this earth, 
light wrestling with darkness, 
light radiating into darkness, 
to widen my day blue, 
and all that is wax melts 
in the flame- 

I can see treetops!








This poem represents everything that jimmy had to go through in jail as he runs into many new opportunities as he leaves to start his new life eventhough there are the events in the past that torture him, he moves on when he sees the outside. 

Monday, January 12, 2015

new commitments

When first starting the 6 needs test I looked at the needs and believed  I would have different results, when I saw my results I noticed my top need was for significance at 93%. Even though the results said my top need was significance I didn't know exactly what it meant so I went to the interpretation page. I read that my beliefs are to feel important and unique and maybe even a bit feared, and I started to ponder that it is true in every situation I feel the need of being respected and being recognized. Even though all my my scores were pretty high I noticed that Love-Connection was the lowest coming in at 46% which at first I believed would be the highest.

Reading more and more I realize that most of what has to do with significance has to do with respect and being heard and I mean I'm all for it but it might be a bit too much as to say Im not as concerned with so much as they say "being obeyed", everyone who knows me knows I can be shy and not at all a person who looks to being obeyed. For the most part I believe this test has actually helped to learn a bit more about myself.

My 6 needs results 
As I go on I realize that I make really poor choices in every sense. I don't believe I'm fulfilling my needs so well as of my peers, I more push them away because I sometimes feel like I have more important things to acquire or that they are getting in my way. Since I go to school full time and work part time it is difficult to have other activities as I used to have as some of my needs. As I think about it over the past three years my needs have changed as I have progressed my activities have gone and my stress has risen.

I have already made a commitment to socialize more this year as well as to keep up with school, but to do that I'm going to need to bring out my needs to make those major changes in my life. As the interpretation says in page 6"I need to get involved in experiences where I won’t get any admiration or special respect. I need to work less and love myself more. I need to indulge in pleasurable experiences just for the sake of pleasure. I need to relax. I need to pay attention to feelings and relationships." And it is so.

For this new year I have also made a commitment to read more this last year I had so far read 6 books that I have finished which include:

  • jumping off swings
  • the giver 
  • blackmailed merger 
  • where she went 
  • extremely loud & incredibly close 
  • just listen 
While reading those at the beginning of the school year we made a commitment to read a certain amount of books and I had said 16, while now I believe I can read more. I have realized I need to read every night if I'm going to accomplish that goal for myself. 

When ever I read a book so tragic like Sarah's Key I can almost imagine it happening. Sarah went through horrible things to get to her brother that almost no one could relate to, but being so horrible there are things that aren't similar but in a way they are. As I see our society now there are still people who would cheer one the nazi's but not to an extent to execute so many jewish families for no reasonable purpose. there are people I imagine just like Sarah who would fight for all they have to save a beloved.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

#OneLittleWord

My #OneLittleWord for 2015 is reimagine. I chose reimagine because it is what I want to do really with everything I believe in and even how I see things. I have always seen things in a negative way and I have always judged people that I don't even take the time to know because I feel like I already know how they are. This year maybe things could change to where no one is judged in a way that isn't unfair for them. I'd like to reimagine my way of thinking and my perspective on things.